Brian Keaney

Tag: Kim Kardashian

My celebrity family

My mother has decided, she told me the other day, that if I am OK with telling my newlywed sister that I want a nephew, she is OK with telling me that she wants a daughter-in-law.  I don’t quite understand why seeing as she already has two daughters of her own, but reminded her that one of them is still unwed, and that gay marriage is legal here in the Commonwealth.  Surprisingly, that did little to comfort here.

Much like the great Ferris Bueller, I used to think that my family was the only one with weirdness in it.  The more I travel around the sun, however, the more I realize just how relatively normal they are.   Several months ago I was getting a free meal visiting my parents when I heard my mother cry out, “Oh no!”  When I inquired what was wrong, she told me that “DiNozzo got an earring.”  I asked why she let herself get so emotionally involved in the nonsense she watches on television, and she reminded me of how often I will scream at the TV after a dropped pass or bad call by an official.

More recently, she told me that DiNozzo, of the television program NCIS, reminds her of me.  I thought it would be because of my dashing good looks, encyclopedic memory of all things cinema, or my way with women.  Not so much.  Turns out all the sarcastic remarks he spits out on TV are what make my ears burn.  I told her that I thought I was more like the doctor on the show since everything reminds me of a story.  As evidence, this blog post is only three paragraphs old and I am already three stories deep.

It is my youngest sister that reminded me of a character on the show, however.  Both the forensic scientist and Lauren are soft as a grape.  Take away the goth couture, and you would have my baby sister down to a T.  She who bore me laughed, agreed, and then added that Gibbs was just like my father.  She wasn’t too far off the mark, but I think I have an even better fictional character to whom I can compare him.

While watching the latest Indiana Jones film, it struck me that my father would respond in every situation almost exactly as Indy did.  I now want to go back and see if I find the same thing in the three earlier films, or if this was just a fluke of the screenplay.  Yea, that’s right.  My dad is just like Indiana Jones.  He’s clearly cooler than your dad.

Finally, to wrap this all up, I want to show a video that is sure to scar everyone.  Not so long ago, I mentioned that “my grandmother had to explain to me who Kim Kardashian was and why she was famous, and I’m still not sure as to the latter.”  Fortunately, the words “sex tape” never up, but tragically, that means she was the first person I thought of when I saw the following video.

Be warned, it is not for the faint of heart.


A proud moment

A few weeks ago I was out with some friends, and met someone new.  Towards the end of the night she said that she would like to have me as a bar trivia partner since I seemed to know things about lots of different topics.  I was flattered, but cautioned her that I probably wouldn’t be a good partner as I always get hung up on the pop culture questions.

I don’t know, and nor do I care, which ball player is dating which movie star.  If it is possible to care even less, I care even less what they wore on the red carpet or where they went on vacation.  To prove my point, I explained to her that my grandmother had to explain to me who Kim Kardashian was and why she was famous, and I’m still not sure as to the latter.

What I do know about pop culture comes almost exclusively from Barstool Sports.  A few weeks ago a friend posted this video to her blog, and had effusive praise for it.


The song wasn’t bad, in a mindless teenybop sort of way, and the high school kids in the video were somewhat entertaining, but not enough for me to stick around for the entire three and a half minutes.  If I had, there’s a chance I might have noticed the credits scrolling at the end of the video, but I doubt it.  Then, today, this video appeared on the Stool, and just before I clicked away I saw the name Ashley Tisdale in the postscript. I still couldn’t tell you who Ashley Tisdale is, but I knew she was someone famous.

Making that connection was enough to pique my interest, however, and so I went to my standard first stop whenever I want to learn about a new topic, Wikipedia.  There I learned that a bunch of the biggest stars – well, Justin Beiber, his girlfriend, and a bunch of other people I’ve never heard of but who are apparently famous – all starred in the video.

I was pretty proud of myself for not recognizing any of them.  There is only so much room in my head, and the fact that it isn’t cluttered with trivial nonsense like who these kids are gives me hope that there is still some room for important information, like that the Planck length is the shortest possible distance that has any meaning.

Yep.  Good thing I still have those wisdom teeth.