My dad is cooler than your dad
by Brian Keaney
It takes me a little bit longer than most people to peel an orange. When I was in high school I was on a camping trip with the Scouts, and one of the guy’s father took an orange and removed the peel in one piece. It was universally agreed that being able to pull off a feat like that was a Dad Thing. Though I don’t have any children of my own and really no reason to do so whatsoever, I almost always try to get the peel off in one piece as well.
I thought of this last weekend while up skiing in Maine. My sister was complaining that her boyfriend didn’t do as good a job as our father in putting her mittens on her, either unaware or more likely just uncaring of how ridiculous that made her sound. As I walked by I said something to the effect of “He’s just better than you,” to which the other sister asked, “at what?” I replied, simply, “everything.”
I don’t recall the boyfriend who was struggling to put mittens on a grown woman saying anything, but the rest of us universally agreed that my father was better at just about everything. Over the course of the weekend a couple more examples of how he was better than us organically came up in conversation.
The other boyfriend – an engineer – told of how he struggled for hours to fix his heater last winter before my sister broke him down and made him call my father who correctly diagnosed the problem over the telephone. I mentioned how in 20 minutes he fixed something for a woman in my building who the repairman said was broken beyond repair and would cost $11,000 to replace. She was literally in tears.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen the old man pull off an orange peel and keep it intact, but I’ve got no doubt he could do it.